Will I really ever get better? I am much more active now, as I am helping care for cats and helping cook and generally just much more functional -- as long as I don't need to bend my legs very much. I am icing 2-3 times a day and doing very gentle flex exercises -- pain, no gain -- but am having a hard time believing my knees will ever stop feeling so tight and painful at a certain point of flexing. Sigh. Clearly I am not in the fast lane in terms of recovery.
It's only just over a month since you had this major surgery - and on both knees, too.
It sounds to me as if you're doing really well, but you're expecting too much, too soon from your knees. Recovery from a TKR takes a long time - as long as a full year for complete recovery of all your wounded tissues.
It's a marathon, and you're expecting a sprint.
Don't worry about your flexion. It will come, as time passes, your knees heal, and the swelling goes down.
There's no need to rush to get ROM (Range of Motion) because it can continue to improve for a year, or even much longer, after a knee replacement. There isn't any deadline you have to meet:
Myth busting: the "window of opportunity" in TKR
You said "Pain, no gain". I hope that was a typo, because "No Pain, no gain" is the wrong approach for this recovery.
Myth busting: no pain, no gain
Listen to you knees and remember this:
a. If it hurts, don't do it and don't allow anyone - especially a physical therapist - to do it to you
b. If your leg swells more or gets stiffer in the 24 hours after doing it, don't do it again.
Yes, one day your knees will stop feeling stiff, but not just yet. That stiffness can linger for quite a long time, although it should decrease gradually. If you do too much, stiffness and swelling will increase, so check your activity with this article again -
Activity progression for TKRs