'Having' to heal

[pampalm]

Today I am 6-week post-op. I had a THR on my right-hip and the doctor allowed me to start driving at 3 weeks. (though I cheated by a couple of days simply because I had to get out of the house by myself!) I think I drove to the store and came right back.

I didn't find this site until last week and wished I had found it sooner. I'm going to have to tell my doctor about it.

I am a 48yo female and for me, it's been more of an emotional thing than a physical thing. I seemed to have bounced back rather quickly, especially considering that I'm overweight and out of shape. I seem to cry at the drop of a hat and it's driven my 21 yo daughter crazy. I almost feel that I've had to heal out of defense.

What I mean is, that during my first few days at home, my 21yo daughter was really the one taking care of me because my husband was absolutely clueless. The first day home wasn't bad, he seemed rather attentive, but as my daughter stated the next day "you know mom, if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be getting taken care of". I tried to say what I needed but because I wasn't "sick", there wasn't any reason I couldn't take care of myself.

In his opinion, in order to heal the fastest, you needed to do things yourself.

With that being said, will returning to work be like that? I worry that I'll break down and cry at work for no reason. I have a sit-down job at a computer and I wll be released for work next Monday (7wk). I am also starting a new position at the same time with greater responsibility.

I am glad that I will have this week off because my in-laws came for Christmas week and they wanted to be pampered and waited on - and yes it was me - yes, they knew I'd had surgery 5.5 weeks earlier and were pleased at my progress of being able to take care of them (both are in late 70's and MIL needs physical care). Another reason I felt I had to heal faster. I was so relieved when they left because every night I went to bed stressed and exhausted.

Emotionally, am I the odd one here? Will emotional stamina return to normal? Or am I really crazy?

 

[Laurie]

Re: stamina

Wow, hearing your story makes me appreciate my husband. I think that it is entirely normal to get emotional if you feel under stress to heal quicker than your body wants to and if you are hearing nonsupportive talk. Just know that at 6 weeks or so it is unreasonable to expect that you can take care of not only the holiday festivities but your in laws. I think if it were me, I would have left and gone to a hotel room by myself for the duration.

Seriously, you may feel better and more relaxed in front of your computer, especially if you have your own office. Take care. YOu are bound to feel better and better as the weeks go by.

Laurie (4 months in recovery)

 

[Josephine]

I'm glad you found us too, Pam. Hopefully we can ease you through your recovery.

First of all - and most importantly - there is no such thing as 'having' to heal. Your husband is simply in denial there. The body will take the time it needs to heal regardless of your activities or expectations. Healing requires inordinate amounts of energy and if you are using up your energy by trying to do too much, then you will end up feel washed out, exhausted and emotional as a result.It's rather like being pregnant - the baby will take what nourishment he needs from the mother even if it leaves her seriously deplete. Do things for yourself by all means but you MUST be kinder to yourself and rest when your body tells you to.

Likewise with your planned return to work. Even if you do have a 'sitting down at the computer' job, you could well find it too much and end up emotionally as well as physically drained.

Can you negotiate a phased return to work similar to this ...

week 1: Tues, Thurs 10-3
week 2: Mon, Wed, Fri 10-3
week 3: Tues, Thurs full day
week 4: Mon, Wed, Fri full day
week 5: normal duties

Also, try to have a stool you can rest your leg on during the day and maybe even arrange to be able to go somewhere (a rest/coffee room?) where you can sit and relax for 10-20 mins when needed. Also make sure you get up and walk around several times during the day to avoid getting stiff.

 

[Troweltalk]

I suffered from mild depression for a very long time. I am NOT a health care professional, but the first thing I thought of when I read the comment your daugher said and that you cry at the drop of a hat, was that you may be suffering from a bit of the blues. This was a major surgery, and major life events often trigger anxiety, which can trigger the blues.

There are medicines that help and therapy is great. I left my "blues" behind about 4 years ago after a little of both...

But then I may not know a cow from a horse. But I wish you good luck.

 

[JudyS]

PamPalm,

I am 51 and had my right hip replaced on June 6th. I know I did not drive until 6 weeks so you are doing great.
But it is very major surgery and 6 weeks is not enough to recover , if you ask me. I am very active and in good shape, but emotionally it does take its toll too. I do not have the most supportive family here so I can relate a little.
If you must return to work next week, please use Jo's transition plan if possible .
Remember you are doing a lot and be kind to yourself.
Keep posting and Welcome to bonesmart
Judy

 

[PRGal]

Pam, first of all, you absolutely, positively are neither crazy nor odd! I echo Laurie's post, though I probably wouldn't have gone to a hotel and left hubby to deal with his parents himself (I fully admit to inheriting my mother's martyr complex . I do agree that work atmosphere will probably be so different.

I'm 8 weeks out, went back to work at just over 5 weeks, also with a relatively desk-bound job. I not only received an incredibly warm welcome my first day, I was bowled over by the kindness & caring of my co-workers. (Perhaps working for a small business vs. large corporation makes some difference, but I really believe that it's the people rather than the institution that creates the culture.) Anyway, even with your new position (congrats!), you have the right to help set the expectations given your extraordinary circumstances. Bottom line--forget the "superpatient" thing--just be sure to be good to yourself--and expect--no, demand-- a gradual transition from others.

As for the emotional upheaval--well, let me stop & say I'm not a medical expert. But as a woman, I can say that we DO have emotional responses to stressful periods in our lives and this most certainly qualifies. (Peri-menopause can be a coincidental factor, too. I had some really crazy swings during that time.) But I'm going to go out on a (non-professional) limb and say that what you're experiencing is a combination of some self-imposed pressure to keep being the "caretaker" you've always been and disappointment that hubby didn't suddenly transform from "clueless" to Florence Nightingale just because you had your hip replaced. And even if in the cold light of day that was probably a totally nuts expectation--hey, you needed and wanted it--and it's perfectly OK to cry 'cause it didn't happen!

(Just in case you haven't figured it out by now, I'm trying really hard to make you smile!) At any rate, hang in there. You've made incredible progress so far and more than deserve to listen to your body & just take care of YOU. Those of us who post here may not know it all (well, except maybe for Jo , but we're going (or have been ) through what you are & are here to help each other.

 

[clwhit]

Hi Pam

I knew I couldn't count on my husband for help once I got out of the hospital. With that knowledge in mind, I talked to my OS about going to a rehab facility from the hospital. He agreed. It was the best thing I did for myself. I was in the hospital for five days and in the rehab facility for four days. I also had a visiting nurse who came two times a week for three weeks once I came home.

With that said, I know you can't go back and redo what has already transpired. You can, however, from here on out make sure that you get what you need to heal. Someone has already suggested that you may be battling a bout of depression. Talk to your doctor about it. Josephine also suggested a transition plan for you to return to work. I, too, began a new position once I returned to work. You have no idea how quickly you tire. Coupled with your recuperation, you will have the added stress of more responsibility in your new position. I would certainly discuss the transition plan with your employer.

Taking the time now to recover properly will help to deter any problems you might have in the future. Be good to yourself. You deserve the time you need to recover!

~Carol

 

[pampalm]

Wow, you guys are all awesome and yes, I did smile while reading the posts. I do feel lots better and you all make very perfect sense (PRGal, very on the mark on several of your comments).

I work for an awesome company and while I don't think I can get the hours Josephine suggests, I do know that they will allow me to go home early if I need to. They employ <100 and are very caring and loving and I've already been warned by my supervisor that he is not going to let me have my office on the 2nd floor back until he feels comfortable with me climbing the 25 steps (no elevator).

I do have a tendancy to be the caretaker (4 kids and husband) - in the situation with my in-laws, my father in law flat out told me they were coming down for Christmas so he could be catered to/pampered because he is the caregiver for my mother in law. So I knew it would be stressful and I would just have to get through it.

Now I'm just chomping at the bit to be well - I had a full hysterectomy 7 years ago and bounced back fairly well then but did cry a lot as well so y'all are right that it is an emotional time.

My expectations for myself are high, and perhaps for others. I'm glad I learned about this site so I can come here and learn.

Thanks y'all.

 

[mvo]

Hi Pam

Your in-laws sound “interesting” – geez, at 5 weeks post op they should have been helping you out, not the other way around.

I went back to work fulltime at 6 weeks (to an office job, but with a reasonable amount of walking about). I coped, but was very tired at the end of each day, and it probably took about a month after that before I felt I could do a normal day’s work, plus the usual stuff you do when you get home etc. I think Jo’s phased in plan above is very sensible. Your work environment sounds supportive – perhaps let them know that you are not yet anywhere near at full strength (bring your crutches as a reminder) and take advantage of any opportunities to go home earlier.

All the best,
Monica

 

[JudyS]

PamPalm

Another mother of 4 here!!! That is crazy enough.
PRGirl you hit the nail on the head with me too.
Pam
I am glad to hear you are working for a great company too. I got fired while on medical leave!!! Special education teacher.

Welcome again and get lots of rest this week.
Judy

 

[Judles]

Keep up the great work, Pam,,,,we're all rooting for you!!!!!

Judles

 

[Mtngirl]

Boy Pam, can I relate! Your post echos me in a lot of ways (except no husband and inlaws...just an overprotective mother). I am three weeks post-op from a right THP and am still on an emotional rollercoaster ride!

But...I know one thing that is a huge contributor for me as to that "emotional" upheaval, and it took me awhile to remember this. I had a significant blood loss during my surgery...doctor told me I was on the verge of a transfusion, but when the hemoglobin didn't drop any further (it got down to a 8.8?) he decided to let me build back up thru diet alone. So my question for you is this...is your iron/hemoglobin significantly down from normal? Trust me...it can make a HUGE difference!

I've had problems with anemia for years...in fact, my family doctor diagnosed me with pernicious anemia years ago. I know from experience that it takes me months to build my iron level back up to even a "10"...and it should be between 11-12. When I was first diagnosed, I was down in the lower "9" area and thinking back on it, remember being not only extremely tired and irritable, but also very emotional about the silliest little thing. I literally broke down while on vacation in Las Vegas because of all the noise, being tired, wanting to do so much and just not having the energy and just plain being overwhelmed and overstimulated by the whole scene.

In some ways, my THR reminds me of that. The tiredness...lack of stamina, the emotions. But in this case, I don't think it's actually the THR itself, I think a very large part of it is the anemia. I am significantly better when my iron levels are up. So...just my two cents worth, but it might be worth checking into to see if you've become anemic.

 

[JudyS]

Mtgirl
As far as becoming anemic, I have had severe problems at times myself. I had iron IV therapy twice and am watched by a hematologist.
I am an emotional person and have been on a rollarcoaster myself lately. I did get a transfusion the day after hip replacement surgery.

How are you doing ?
Judy

 

[marennorge]

Gosh, from what you have told us, it could be that you will get more rest and care at work than at home.

 

[Mtngirl]

Pam: I really hope for your sake that things will settle down for you. The support of your family and friends goes a long way towards recovery. My family has been very supportive...my immediate co-workers very concerned and interested in my progress. On the other hand, the "Big bosses" or administration, to my knowledge haven't even asked how I'm doing. I think if they had a way, they would use it to get rid of me, but since there have been no complaints about my current job performance, they don't have the grounds to do anything. So my work is full of mixed signals as far as my progress. Take advantage of those friends...it means a lot towards healing.

I also, will be going back to work Monday (Jan 5th). I expect that to take its toll heavily...12hr rotating shifts are never easy anyhow, but I simply don't have a choice...no more sick time and financially I have to go back. I work with a good crew and know they will look after me as best they can. For me, I'm thinking work will help distract my mind and help with the emotional issues.

sewell: I am now 3 weeks post op and am doing extremely well. I thoroughly expect my surgeon to graduate me to a cane only when I go back to see him on Mon, Jan 5th. My home health physical therapist says I am not the typical THR patient...that I have far exceeded most others at this stage. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that things continue to go well.

Pam: Good luck with your progress! I hope things go well for you and things get back on track for you soon.

Ann

 

[PRGal]

Hi Pam & Ann (mtngirl),
Just touching base to see how your first day back at work went. Hope it was not too taxing and you had lots of support from co-workers! Let us know how you did!
Thinking of you,
Renee

 

[pampalm]

My first day back was great - with lots of support from co-workers! I was tired by the end of the day and was thrilled to be done for the day.

Tomorrow I go to the doctor's to be "officially" released for work ... and to get my permission slip to be allowed to climb to the 2nd floor (up 25 steps). None of my bosses will allow me to climb to my office on the 2nd floor until I get permission from my doctor (we have no elevator and they had moved me downstairs temporarily when I started having severe problems before the hip replacement).

So, it was a great day! Thank you for caring and thinking of me.

 

[PRGal]

That's terrific--I'm so glad for you! I can definitely empathize with "tired"-- for some reason, I find myself craving sleep more in the last 2-3 weeks than before I went back to work. (I mean sleeping in until 10 or later on weekends. I've never been a morning person, but that's really unusual for me!)

OK, so your bosses are sweeties & won't let you climb 25 steps--and your doc will probably just ask you if you can do it rather than making you try it & watching to see if you can. What do YOU believe--can you do it? Without feeling you HAVE TO? (You already know question 2 is much more important! Hope the answer is whatever is best for YOU!

We're all here to encourage and care about each other--just try to "pay it forward" if you can.

 

[pampalm]

Oh, I KNOW I can climb the stairs, 1-because I've been faithful with my rehab exercises and 2--(shhhh) because I went in to the office when no one was looking and climbed the stairs to see if I could.

Seriously, I've been taken small stairs for a couple of weeks now and practicing so I believe I can do it. PLUS, I really am motivated to be able to climb the stairs -- I want my own office back! Right now they have me stationed in the conference room right next to the receptionist office, and is she noisy!

I know I can climb the stairs - basically it would be 4 trips / day , because this would include leaving for lunch and returning.

I don't intend to do anything to jeopardize my hip.

Thanks for all the support..... I sure have needed it.

 

[golfer]

PamPalm: I think it is normal to feel the blues and find it hard.

I was so lucky, my wife and friends did not let me alone for several weeks. (surgery was 12/3). Also, I celebrated each small improvement with a call to someone. And I only focused on the improvements.

Over the weekend, my wife caught one of those 24 hour bugs, and it was my turn to help. At one point she did say something about "payback".

MY advise is to focus on the good and ingore that bad. See the glass as half full. Wayne Dyer says "chane the way you look at things and the things you look at will change".

Sounds to me like you are going to have a great 2009. But then again, I'm a guy ...